Ever wondered which UK political party has a plan for the impending zombie apocalypse? Ever wanted to vote for a party that believes Elvis is alive and well in a Skegness nursing home? Ever wished a party represented your views on invading France? If you answered ‘yes’ to any of the above, this post is for you.
Let’s just get one thing out of the way: These parties haven’t a cat-in-hell’s chance of ever getting elected, and their proposals would cause untold damage to the UK if implemented, but that’s what makes them so funny.
Official Monster Raving Loony Party: Perhaps the most well-known British joke party, the OMRLP was first founded in the 80’s by Screaming Lord Sutch, and urges people to “Vote for Insanity”. If elected, the OMRLP promises to give taxpayers Nectar Points, cut the deficit by selling British castles to France, and make unicorns a protected species. The party also assures voters it will make “televising the incarceration of Oscar Pistorius 24 hours a day” a top priority. Party members include current party leader Alan “Howling Laud” Hope, and Parliamentary candidate Nick “The Flying Brick” Delves.
Church of the Militant Elvis Party: Founded in 2001 to combat what they call the degeneration of Elvis from beloved pop-icon to “fat media joke”, the CMEP believes Elvis is alive and well in a nursing home near Skegness. Among other things, the CMEP promises to shout at Antarctic icebergs to stop them melting, put pictures of celebrities in airports to stop foreigners from entering, and arrest Cherie Blair so she can’t give details about her sex life with Tony. Its annual meeting is held on January 8th, Elvis’ birthday.
Free United Kingdom Party (FUKP): Established by comedian Al Murray aka The Pub Landlord, FUKP promises to outdo the election promises other parties with “common sense” proposals. Such proposals include burning down the Houses of Parliament for insurance money, curbing immigration by getting Polish workers to brick up the Channel Tunnel, fighting Germany “if they’re up for it”, and getting the UK to leave the Solar System by 2050. Party leader Al Murray is standing in the same constituency as Nigel Farage in the upcoming general election.
Death, Dungeons and Taxes Party: First standing in the 2005 general election, the DDTP advocates lowering the school leaving age to nine, making “thickie” kids perform manual labor, annexing France, and introducing a flat tax rate of 90%. On the contentious issue of immigration, the DDTP proposes using longbows and boiling oil at airports to repel illegal immigrants, and introducing the death penalty for offences such as littering and graffitiing. The party’s registered address is the London Dungeons, of course.
I Want to Drop a Blancmange Down Terry Wogan’s Y-Fronts Party: Founded sometime in the 80’s, the IWDBDTWYP (also known as the Blancmange Thrower’s Party) gained attention for putting forward writer and wife of comedian Billy Connolly, Pamela Stephenson, as a Parliamentary candidate in 1987. After dropping a blancmange down broadcaster Terry Wogan’s underpants, it’s not clear which direction IWDBDTWYP will take the country in.
Citizens for Undead Rights and Equality (CURE): Marketing itself as the only party concerned with zombie rights, CURE advocates increasing the retirement age beyond death, legalizing marriage between living and dead persons, making cemeteries more comfortable places, and combating prejudice against zombies. If elected, CURE also pledges to set aside funds to research a cure for the zombie virus. In 2010, the CURE Facebook page lambasted the televised political debates for failing to mention undead rights.